TUCP Intro/Outro: 00:00:08

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach Podcast conversations from being inspired by the book The Ultimate coach written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being. And your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be it is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply visit the ultimate coach book.com Now, enjoy today's conversation from being

Ross Weitzer: 00:00:48

Hello, Hello beautiful people. We are back. This is Ross Weitzer, on The Ultimate Podcast with Cordelia Gaffar. Cordelia. Hello, my friend.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:01:01

Hello, Ross. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to learn about you and be with you in this space. It'll be amazing. It is amazing. I'm ready.

Ross Weitzer: 00:01:12

To open it right up, I think a powerful question to jump into is what have been some of the major shifts that you've experienced in yourself through and after reading the ultimate coach?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:01:26

Hmm. Okay. There have been a lot. So I'm just gonna I would say the first shift was a willingness to go deeper, and be with things that I had put off to the side and and allow myself and unearthing? How would you describe that? Hmm. Like a volcano. Like, truly, I don't know if you know, but there was an event called The Ultimate placation in Hawaii. And so I recently returned from that. And so it was an opportunity for the readers of the ultimate coach book. And we went and experience the different elements. And there was a point when we, I would say it's we walked on a, like a trail of old lava rocks. And it was very rocky and unsettling. It was unstable, you know. And as I was walking on that path, I was thinking like, how much of my life has been that way. And on that path, I had a willingness to stabilize myself, and even my energy within was stabilizing. And so when we finally got out to where we could see the shore, and the water had created arches, in the old lava rocks, I just felt this overwhelming. Like, gosh, and I literally just released and just cried and like dumped it all out. And just allow that unearthing to happen, you know, all the instability, all the stories attached to the end of instability, all the stories attached to the insecurities and all that I was just like, I released you now. Yeah.

Ross Weitzer: 00:03:27

And what do you credit that to? What was it about being there and being in that experience that invited that to come up?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:03:35

My intention was to really be open to transformation. And, you know, for me, I read, I've read the book twice so far. You know, I read it once. Before going to Arizona, I was halfway through when I went to the ultimate experience. And then I finished the second time before I went to Hawaii. And I know a lot of times people refer to it as pulling back the layers, but I think of ourselves as pomegranates. And when you open up a pomegranate, right, there's always like new parts. And it has more seeds that have you know, delicious, nourishing juice in them. So I was just willing to embrace that transformation and and look for the delicious juice inside of me. Yeah.

Ross Weitzer: 00:04:31

What surprised you so far

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:04:35

that I really don't have to be attached to any stories. Fear is a power source. It's not not a reason it gets stuck. And it's it's not even what I thought it was. You know it when I feel the when I feel actually it's funny, you know Ross I don't Really feel fear anymore. However, the situations that I have attached to fear previously, I will say, you know, this thing used to really scare me. Let me just experiment and see what's the worst thing that can happen. So that's surprising, and it keeps happening, like the first time it happened. I was like, Oh, that's a fluke. And then then it happened again. And then it happened without me really recommend realizing until after, it was like, wait a minute, I just did something that used to scare the bejesus out of me. Like, and I was totally fine with that. So

Ross Weitzer: 00:05:39

can you share an example. Um, one example. I

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:05:43

mean, I guess the most simple example is just speaking up being a stand, you know, for myself, and what I believe and, and there's a lot of things that have transpired in the past year, so I got a divorce last night. And so like, the legal system is not kind to women. And it's less kind, even when you have kids. So there are just some things that have come up. And that's where I was saying, I don't know how specific I want to be. And I was approaching it from a place of, you know, attached to the story that the legal system is not kind, they're not going to do this, you know, this isn't going to happen. And so now, you know, when I came back from Hawaii, everything's still there waiting for me. And, and I was just like, what's my intention? What's the outcome that I'm seeking here? And I just really embody that. And I'd be with that. And then I start, and remarkably, like, like, yesterday was one of those days, when I had to really see again and make stuff happen. And, and I made it happen, you know, so I've had some challenges getting some, some things done for my children, because I have to get the buy in of their father who loves to be contentious. And so, you know, I work around with other experts, and then I have them contact him. And then he agrees. And, and then, you know, when I talked to him, you know, I'm like, Okay, so I'm not calling to argue, I want to go over these three points. And so he does try to upset me, and I just smile, like in my heart genuinely. And like, Okay, I see how this used to really affect me deeply. And in this moment, I'm choosing to not allow that to affect me. And it actually isn't hard because I almost feel compassion for him. Because not almost I do feel genuine compassion, because I'm just like, he's attached to a story. He's attached to that dynamic that we used to have, you know. And so I just allow myself to let go. And I'm like, Okay, well, this is what's happening. This is what you need to do in the sequence of events. And I really appreciate, you know, your agreement here. And, and then I just end the call, and he usually agrees, and there's no shouting. I hope that wasn't too vague.

Ross Weitzer: 00:08:52

You let us in? You find yourself dancing back and forth a bit, or ever since that release, the story has been rewritten?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:09:02

Um, well, that's a good question. I don't really dance back and forth. There are moments when I experience wanting to boomerang back into that. And then I realize, because I have like this, this methodology within myself, I call sweet talk. And there's like a sweet talk creation process. And when I feel that little, that thing, you know, I stop and I assess what's the sponsoring event here. And is it a self care issue? Like, do I need to sleep? Do I need to eat, you know, what's going on? Or is this a genuine trigger, you know, and so, when I pause with that, I either just, you know, go and do cartwheels. You know? or write a poem. Writing poetry is another form of release. And it's, it's really helped me with my rage. And but yesterday I just did cartwheels.

Ross Weitzer: 00:10:16

Beautiful, how opposite of the spectrum, both of those strategies? How do you know when to choose cartwheels? Or when to choose poetry?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:10:29

Um, well, when I'm in my, you know, when it's more like, I don't have words for what's happening, right? And dancing doesn't seem appropriate. And like, I don't want to hear music, you know, I just want to be in my body, that's when I know I have to do cartwheels, right? Too cold to roll down hills here, but I would do that to ground myself. And when I feel like just a whole bunch of words coming, then I know, I have to write a poem. Like journaling doesn't do the trick for me, you know, I have to like, structure it and give it some formation and outcome, you know,

Ross Weitzer: 00:11:15

how does it leave you feeling? Like What Did what is the emotional process of the processing of the anger through poetry?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:11:23

Oh, it's like, orgasmic. You know, it really is. Like, I've been doing that since I was like, nine years old. Like, I'm, you know, I've written eight books. But, um, but poetry. There's like a poem or two and most of them, but my next book is going to be a book of poetry. So, um, yeah, just, it's like the release an answer. It's like a conversation between my soul and my being, you know, my whole being.

Ross Weitzer: 00:11:58

So what, what is the difference in feeling between sitting down to journal in regards to where the words are coming from, and sitting down to create poetry?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:12:07

I mean, journaling is kind of like a word vomit. You know. And, and poetry is, I think, is the purpose of German journaling, right? It's, when when I create poetry, it gives me an opportunity to not just vent but just to understand and to, you know, build the bridges between all the all the selves that I am,

Ross Weitzer: 00:12:36

I'd be I'd be so curious to try it. Because it sounds like such an interesting approach to here's my emotional state, really being in the emotional state. It sounds like such a masterful way to not suppress an emotion.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:12:51

Yeah. It really is. Like, I mean, I don't know a better word than orgasmic because you really go through the range, you know, and through all, all your chakras, you know, to, to create that. Yeah. So,

Ross Weitzer: 00:13:08

I'm thinking about, I'm like, my first time writing poetry, I might end up on the other side a bit more angry than when I started.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:13:17

And that's great, too. Yeah. Yeah. So I started writing poetry again in January, and about various different things. And, and I met Dr. LaTonya. At the ultimate experience, and so she has a magazine that's coming out this month. So one of my poems is going to be in there. And her March issue, so I've already poems, one,

Ross Weitzer: 00:13:44

what's the essence of your poetry? Where's most of it coming from?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:13:48

I guess, it expressing my experience as a woman, like I said, mostly the my rage is around that, you know, just the things that that I feel like sometimes invalidated, sometimes misunderstood, sometimes judged, and are dismissed. And, you know, it could be in a single interaction, or it could be, you know, going into a public place, or it could be, you know, like, I describe the situation with my kids school, you know, or anything like that. And then sometimes, I don't know, I think most of my poetry lately has been kind of angry. But I think I have one, like the one that's going to be published is joyful. In the end, it always opens up to joy, right? Like, in one of my poems I talk about I refuse to self destruct. You know, Um, I'm here to reconstruct my being and you know, like, so I'm experiencing what's coming at me and I'm transmuting it and Alka maizing it all at once. And, you know, finding that reservoir of joy within just revealing what's the true essence of my being? It really sounds magical. It is magical. You want me to read one? Yes. And you? I don't know. Let me see if I can find one. I don't you know, you would think I've memorized these but it's like it comes out in the moment. And then it's, it's sacred for that moment. So I This one is called, um, street cleaning. Even when I tell you the truth is like I'm locked in a telephone booth. First, I gotta put my cape on. Then I gotta wrap my heart, mind and body and Teflon. Before you will even look in my direction or detect my presence. Even still, you cannot and will not stop my effervescence. My lover's heart and warrior soul vibrates higher and loves in another realm. I'm chilling with Allah who is at the helm. If you think you can squash me, or make me give up or die. Don't be deceived when you see me cry. It's the overwhelm of loving compassion and passionately is who I'm being. I'm straight cleaning. Keep pretending not to see me. That's fine. Before you know it. I'll show you that your heart is a reflection of mine. Even still your interaction, your inactions, deceitful transactions and ignorance is a blessing for me. My warriors heart and lovers soul is all I will ever be. I reside in a different realm, the embodiment of feminine divinity. I'm chilling, joyfully mungry, skillfully, joyously being the evidence of joy. If you think you're going to dangle, dangling and dazzling me like a puppet or some sort of toy, recognize all I am being with all of my being is street cleaning. Read this and fear not here. Not that in my tone, I am hateful. I am only always grateful. Gratitude is not an attitude. It is embedded in my DNA. Come on, come over here and let's play. I love a good bump rump and tumble I love to mash of lash up and bubble. You know why? When you see me cry, my smile shines through my being because I'm straight queen. And so that's one

Ross Weitzer: 00:17:53

that was beyond. I'm witnessing you share that. And I'm like, Oh, I know her so much better now. Do you? There was well, maybe. But there are just so many different layers to the like the swagger that came through and how you delivered not only the words but just in the the spectrum of the shifts and changes of your facial features and feeling into who you were being in the different parts of that poem. That was really beautiful.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:18:31

Thank you.

Ross Weitzer: 00:18:33

So I'm curious. Cordelia, before reading the ultimate coach writing poetry and Cordelia after the ultimate coach reading poetry, what would be the biggest shifts that you would observe that you would experience?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:18:47

Before reading the ultimate coach? I would hide? I use poetry to mask you know, and I would make the words more agreeable and receivable like what people expect to hear almost like condescending towards myself. And now this is the opposite.

Ross Weitzer: 00:19:15

I don't know what it is about you but something it was unexpected.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:19:18

Oh, was it?

Ross Weitzer: 00:19:20

Yeah. From from my quick perceptions of you. Because you come off confident you come off grounded. You come off centered in the knowing of who you are. But the swagger tees do it just so much character. Yeah, I was like I want to see her on stage and like a concert delivering these, huh?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:19:47

I know I have to memorize them. Yeah, so like that. I guess. That's a good point. Because before I would hide even that part of myself, you know, and not really at the same time because, like, for example, on my book cover, right, I have read, I'm wearing red. And I got a little bit of hate for that. It's like, you know, your hijabi supposed to be modest, you don't want to draw attention to yourself. And just me wearing red, that is swagger in itself, but undetected, because I'm in a hit job, right? So it's like, oh, well, she's covered up, you know? And am I, I am showing you who I am. You know? And that's what I'm talking about. People, the, you know, even in you saying that, you know, it's like that, that swagger was unexpected. Yeah, it's there, you know, but I don't, I don't really feel the need to always walk around with it, because there are times when it's appropriate. Right. And there are other times when it's just, you know, when people need to see it, they'll see it, you know,

Ross Weitzer: 00:21:09

what does covering up mean, for you.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:21:11

I mean, for me, it's just an extension of the way I choose to be a spiritual being, you know, I wasn't born Muslim. So I chose to be Muslim when I was like, 30. Like, I took my Shahada, that's what it's called testimony of faith on my birthday. And so I immediately started covering I had, like, got my three, they're called bios, you know, the long dress looking thing, and, and then I got, like, a whole bunch of hit jobs. And I was like, Man, this is so great. Like, I can never have a bad hair day. And if I do, nobody knows. You know, it's like, all I have to do is like, put on like, and, and I remember, like, I left work, like, I dress nice, you know, it was a three piece suit person, but, but to not have to figure that out and go to the dry cleaners and all What a load off, you know, so and it's the way I dress has changed over the years. So I don't really wear a bias unless it's like a holiday. So I tend to be a little bit more relaxed, and I but I still, I love it, you know, it makes me feel makes me feel joy. You know, it makes me feel connected to the oneness. And I know you've probably never heard this translation of Allah. But Allah is literally like, the oneness as if there's no other one that could create and do all the things right. So and I know like in other spirituality, people also resonate with this, you know, concept of the oneness. So for me, I just get to be one of the sunrays off of the oneness. That's what it feels like.

Ross Weitzer: 00:23:08

Bring that spirituality into your current experience with your husband and your current experience of dropping these stories. How did you bring your spirituality, those perspectives, those ways of seeing and being

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:23:24

into life for yourself? So here's the thing, it's like, the stories were a human creation, right. And when you when you drop it, you can be connected to your spirituality, it's the stories that keep us from that. And like, I know a lot of people that are going to be listening or watching this read Khalil Gibran right, or Rumi, and these are Sufis from my from the Islamic tradition and so and Sufism, our tussle of is what is called the connection between your spiritual self and your human self is your emotions. And when we dis allow ourselves to feel the emotions or if we get too attached, right, we attach story to the emotion, then we pretty much keep ourselves just hanging out on the bridge and we never get over there. You know? So like, the whole time I've been Muslim, I've been studying to sow love, which is like the purification of your soul. And just, I'd have to say probably in the last five years, I realized that okay, it's this emotional piece so originally, I was in you probably see this and articles as recent as last year. I used to call myself the emotions opener, right? But now I've switched it to joy right? A joy monger. And that was something. These are a set of words that I created before I walked with Steve. But when I shared it with him, he was like, he should be telling everybody this, you know. And so. And when you look it up, Dr. Hawkins talks about the different frequencies, so everyone is always Yeah, love this love that well, did you know that actually, Joy is a higher vibration than love, and peace. After Joy's enlightenment, wait a minute, wait, maybe there's peace between joy and enlightenment. But anyway, it's higher than love, you see. So we get trapped in the you know, love frequency, and we could go so much higher. There's joy, because that's actually how humans are created. We have like, some traditions call this the third eye. But either way, in, in, in Islam, this is our bliss center, right? So we can activate that, because that's the way we're created.

Ross Weitzer: 00:26:09

Just hearing you share that I felt a shift of lightness. And the reason is being new to podcast hosting, I feel the dance of being and falling out of being. So being for me is I'm here with you, in the presence of every word that you're sharing. And when I need to speak, intuition will guide me along the way. And when I fall out of being, it's when Oh, shit, I gotta have a question. Or oh, shit, when it's my turn to speak. I better have something to say. Right.

Ross Weitzer: 00:26:51

I fall into that deepness. Sometimes that's my human story. Yeah. And when you were sharing it was, it was a moment of, oh, I'm stuck in my human story. It doesn't matter. We're right here. We're gonna be here after a couple of sentences are said. And that's it.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:27:09

Yeah, podcasting is like that. I know, like, I have two podcasts, you know that, right? And I'm, like, my first one, I started in 2015. And so in the beginning, I just wanted to have conversations, like you, you know, because I really wanted to understand my first show was called replenish me, you know, and I just wanted to hear how people go about doing that. Or if they care about doing that, you know, and eventually, in 2020, I renamed it free to be, because if you think vibrationally, all when I started my podcast, I really needed to replenish myself, right. So I wanted to understand that and have those conversations to practice it. And, and then by the time I was replenished, I decided I want to be free to be. And so now the conversations I have on that show are questioning what did What does free to be mean, in our minds, you know? And these attachment to story, you know?

Ross Weitzer: 00:28:20

Yeah. And just being afraid to trust

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:28:24

trust to just show up. Yeah. And even like, just yeah, that the trust does show up as the trust that you have with yourself.

Ross Weitzer: 00:28:34

That's been some of the biggest shifts for me, since reading the ultimate coach is realizing how many judgments I actually wasn't aware of. I was aware of the second layer of judgments, but not being aware that there was actually a judgment underneath this subtle layer of doubt, of criticism that I just wasn't seeing.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:28:57

Yeah. telling you, pomegranate, you know, just keep pulling it back. And yeah, it's, it's true. And, and even for me, I'm shocked. You know, you were asking me something along those lines earlier. And so like, when I went to Hawaii, I realized, like, I thought I had gotten rid of that, like, there's something more inside of there. Oh, my goodness, really. And, and just not being afraid, you know, having that willingness to keep going deeper. And yeah, allow myself the trust that I can hold space for myself. And if I can't trust that, you know, I'm in community and and I will be held, you know,

Ross Weitzer: 00:29:46

what's that next layer of depth for you?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:29:51

I'm going to take other people on the same transformation. I went with the elements you know, I I love these experiences in nature, you know, and exploring the possibilities of self. And so I'm going to travel around the world and take people with me and do the same thing.

Ross Weitzer: 00:30:18

Wow, can you describe a little detail of what that would be like?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:30:23

Yeah, so like, in in June, I'm gonna actually go back to Hawaii with some people. And so there's a place where you can really experience the air element, and just allow yourself to be free with that, and whatever, you know, comes through, you know, allow that to come through no real structure, it all depends on who I'm with, right? And how there being as to how that experience will play out, but just allowing ourselves to experience the air, the water, the Earth, the fire, you know, and just doing different forms of grounding, experiencing what it's like to, to be very intentional with what you put in your body energetically, and choose your frequency, you know, to prepare for those transformations, because it really, there's so much integration, and you have to have a certain you have to go into it with a certain level of vibration. So you can't eat like McDonald's, you know, I mean, it's like, you have to know what herbs and what fruits, you know, and how to put them together, like papaya is a great source of vitamin C. But is it necessary? You know, would it be better to have like, jackfruit or something like that. So, and just allowing a lot of flow and movement? So yeah, so I have a friend who's a vegan chef, I'm going to carry him around with me everywhere, because that's what he does. He like wrote a book about this stuff, with frequency. And then I'm going to St. Maarten later in the year. I think it's August for that one. And so yeah, just having these natural experiences, and just allowing yourself to detach from story.

Ross Weitzer: 00:32:31

I can't imagine a time where that work, and that experience is more needed, and more called for.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:32:39

Yeah, yeah, we we've disconnected ourselves from the earth, we've disconnected ourselves from source. And, you know, everything we need everything we require, I'm going to use that word is here, it's on the earth. We don't need, you know, we we are in this scarcity mindset of needing structure, but that structure is false. All we require is air water, earth, and a little bit of fire, you know? Yeah.

Ross Weitzer: 00:33:15

Do you think it's fair to say that we're, that people are acquiring that right, that right now, there is a need.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:33:20

I believe that the ultimate coach book, the book about being has become an opening for many people. Even those who haven't joined this group or my LinkedIn group, and to experience and community, there's someone out there reading that book right now. And they're changing the way they're being. And they're realizing that they have requirements and they no longer need.

Ross Weitzer: 00:33:57

They have requirements and they no longer need. That's really powerful to pull those apart that way. If somebody's listening right now, and you're like, it's really powerful that totally went over my head.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:34:13

It distinct distinction is like, we commonly say that we need to set healthy boundaries. And the setting of the boundary begins with n by understanding your requirements, which are also known as non negotiables. Okay, as opposed to, I need my quiet time. I need my space. You don't need that. Right. You have access to that already. It's a requirement. You wake up in the morning, notice yourself. You tell yourself I need to jump out of bed because I need to get to work. At this time, you require to allow your body to wake up and breathe into your day and notice your environment. Like most of the time we wake up we're discombobulated, isn't it? You know, you just, you require a moment of stillness to be in your body because that's what what happens when we sleep, our soul goes someplace else. And then it comes back in when you open your eyes in the morning. That's the wobbliness you feel in the morning. So just give give it a minute to settle. You know, breathe a little bit, open your eyes, blink them, make sure that you know, it's like, let's see, do my blinkers still work? You know? It kind of like when you get in your car? Do you just like start driving? No, you let it warm up a little bit, you know? Sit make sure your mirrors right, your seats comfortable. Same thing when you get in your body when you wake up in the morning. You require stillness for a second at least. So me I require 15 minutes

Ross Weitzer: 00:36:14

Yeah, the distinction that that I'm hearing and that is need is derived from a reactive consciousness and a feeling of lack inadequacy and insecurity. And a requirement is coming from this intuitive knowing and with that intuitive knowing that is the space for self love. Yes. Well, I require a lot

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:36:47

that's a that's a great recognition, you know, and now you have to make certain agreements with yourself

Ross Weitzer: 00:36:56

and not get confused and say well, I require a Lamborghini

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:37:03

that's like unnecessary

Ross Weitzer: 00:37:08

that's the lesson I left with today. Okay, Cordelia taught me a wonderful lesson. I require a Lamborghini I require a Porsche cute imagine that's the movement we start. It's coming from love though, so it's all gonna work out.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:37:29

I just I required to drive fast. So whatever can support me? Truth bombs. Yeah. What color's your Lamborghini? Red. Really? Still my color.

Ross Weitzer: 00:37:48

Cordelia, my friend. Before we finish off our time, together today. Is there any final things that you would like to share?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:37:58

Hmm. hold space for yourself. And allow allow your your joy to reveal itself. Powerful

Ross Weitzer: 00:38:10

Cordelia. Thank you so much for being here with me. It was so lovely to explore anger and explore joy and declare a Lamborghini. Yes. Delia, lots of love.